School Violence is a continuing problem, which has brought about much distress among school districts. However with proper handling of this matter there are various ways to end it. School violence is not a new issue for the nineties. School violence has been around since the nineteen fifties, but was more an issue of juvenile delinquency. The difference between the 1950’s and 1990’s is that the student conflicts are more likely to be settled with the use of weapons in the nineties.
This is my into to my paper does it sound good or do I need to work on it?
In conclusion, the tragic event that occurred at Columbine School was one of the worst violent acts. Those two teenagers took the lives of many innocent people. Many people’s lives change that day. People turned to prayer for comfort to get through those painful times. Let’s ask ourselves this question” Does it take crimes like this to make people understand that we should have prayer in schools?”
This is many conclusion how does it look?
I need someone's input?
INTRO.:your introduction isn't the best. you started every sentence the same way which is a big no-no. a better idea would be:
In today's society, the problem of school violence has once again, as it has throughout much of our recent history, resurfaced. School violence first became a problem around the nineteen fifties when *list an event that started (i.e. religion was first removed from schools)*, but was more an issue of juvenile delinquency than today's blatant lack of apathy and proper conflict-resolution skills. In fact, the difference in the causes of school violence is one of the major differences between the nineteen fifties and the nineteen nineties. Where many student conflicts were still tallked out in times past, conflicts of the nineties and today are more likkely to be solved with weapons.
this opening has a more varied sentence structure and starts each consecutive sentence a different way. definitely work on yours. Also, try to refine your first sentence to be a little more....vague. you want it to be clear, but you also want it to be broad enough that you can expand upon it in your following sentences. Also, if your main point is about prayer in schools, it should be in there. reading your opening i thought it was about school violence.
CONCLUSION: also needs work, but better than your introduction. your ending is kind of disjointed. it moves from one topic to another without any real flow. try connecting some sentences with commas to make it smoother. or parallel structure as shown in the Innocent people bit below.
Lastly, don't end with %26quot;Let us ask...%26quot; just say the question. or a few if you can. it makes that final thought more powerful.
EX.: In conclusion, the tragic event that occurred at Columbine School was one of the worst violent acts in recent history. Those two teenagers took the lives of many innocent people. Innocent people whose lives were changed forever that day. Innocent people who turned to prayer for comfort to get through those painful times. *here say why they turned to prayer (i.e. they knew that somewhere out there, a higher power had a plan for them, and was watching over them.) If such is the case, should these poor people have been forced to abandon such a powerful figure in their lives for 8 or more hours every day? Removing the symbols of a person's faith does nothing to their belief's, so why, when there are many more pressing issues available for schools to work at preventing--such as the ability of a student to put in action such a heinous crime-- is it necessary. Why does it take crimes like this to make people understand that we should have prayer in schools?
i hope this helps you a bit at least.
I need someone's input?
alright. I would say...
The main difference between violence in the 1950s and 1990s is over the years, weapons became the most often used tactic for settling conflicts between students.
then
The two teenagers that took the lives of many innocent people also changed many other people's lives, often turning family and friends of the victims to prayer.
the rest is good though! I loove your point!
