I have to write an essay for this contest in L.A im in the 8th grade and my writing suxs even my teacher said so. so im wondering tell me if its good or not.
After a long journey coming to the U.S.A from South Korea, my family and I decided to settle in the state of Michigan. We hardly knew any English, started off quite poorly and had nobody to support us. We started off with many difficult times but we finally gained hope and saw the other side of the rainbow when we met Arlene *******. At first all we noticed about her was her bubbly personality and a huge smile across her face. We didn’t know she was going to change our lives forever. Arlene was the person who always guided us, cared for us, and understood us. This is why Arlene is my Michigan hero.
I personally think a hero is not someone who wears a fancy eye-catching cape, or saves hundreds of people’s lives all around the world; she or he’s someone who does the simplest caring things that impacts others greatly in a positive way. My hero is someone with a big heart and always puts others before herself. She is someone who inspires me; and most importantly a good role model.
I remember how Arlene used to be so devoted in my family’s education. She always influenced me to reach and catch my dreams. She constantly tells me to never give up. For about seven years she took the time to ask how my day went and listened carefully. Since my mother was always busy in school, Arlene stepped in and acted like my second mother. I could easily tell her any of my problems and she would often advise me. She always found a helpful solution and knew exactly what to say.
Arlene was a person who believed in others. She frequently did community service during her free time. She constantly told me “it’s a joy to see the looks on their faces.” She worked extremely hard during church ministries helping others whether it’s the poor or not. She was someone who volunteered to any opportunity. She even helped prisoners. She watched them change their minds on how they see the world. She’s my hero because she always puts herself after others.
Unfortunately in the summer of 2008, she passed away from liver cancer. Arlene was incredibly brave, I never even seen her shed a single tear. Going through chemotherapy, Arlene battled hard just to see our faces and her loved ones, but she eventually gave in. I was crying, but I realized she and our memories will be living in my heart forever.
Please help I need your opinion on my writing?
I think you are a decent writer but you have some problems though they can easily be fixed. One thing that I noticed is that you repeat the same word multiple times (we) This by can be easily be fixed by finding synonyms. I used to have that same problem. What helps me and might help you is to read more. that way you can compare your writing to a professionals, see the differences and change your writing for the better. Hope I helped, or told you what you wanted to hear! :-D
Please help I need your opinion on my writing?
Good. Keep writing.
Well, you said it as a fact that your writing sucks, with no room for compromise, and then ask us if it's good? Don't criticise your own work and then expect people to praise it.
