I'm 17 and the way I think and react to things over the past 6 months or so have made me lose most of my friends. I'm so angry about anything and everything. I feel like I can't relate to absolutely anyone, no matter how I try. I can greet people, but then there's a barrier. It's almost as if they'll never know anything about me, and vice versa. I started college recently, but even in school, I am so uninterested in other people and only in myself. I find it strange that people ask eachother so many questions, because I personally have no interest in other people's lives apart from my imediate family.
I have a natural mood of melancholy so much that when I feel happy I'm confused as to why, and I try to figure it out. The tiniest things can make me tick, but when I am angry, I always keep it bottled up inside. Alot of the time I change rapidly between feeling like I hate most of my friends (Which is about 2 now) and wanting to change things. I feel a constant need to disagree with everyone and usually won't be satisfied until i'm my own person. I am just angry so so so often, and with everybody. I'm unaffected by falling outs with my friends, and they can't seem to understand why. It's like I have a huge emotional block. And because i'm unnafected, I lose them, which in turn leaves me more lonely and angry with everything.
I have odd moments where I think everything people say is about me, good or bad. I always imagine the possibility of it being about me. Sometimes I imagine myself being superior to everyone else. I have some insane fantasy that everyone should love me, and I should be able to turn heads everywhere.
I know that my attitude to everything has gained me the reputation of %26quot;depressive%26quot; amongst my friends. Like I said, I do have uplifting moments, maybe after i've watched some telly or played a game. But socially, I don't know if i'm consciencely rebelling against values, or that's how I actually feel.
I've never met anyone who thinks like me, so I'm hoping there's somebody who could relate.
Uninterested in life?
I think i see a glimmer of hope for your future inside your question. You are maturing and you are seeing the world differently. Concentrate on what your brain is telling you. You can win this battle..
Uninterested in life?
I know that a lot of people are feeling that way or haved felt that way at some point in their life, including me. I'm 18, and just started college..So know that you are not alone. Maybe you are aloof like me.. I like meeting poeple, but I feel like no one can ever understand me nor would i let anybody in. I was wondering if you are an introvert too. Introvesion does not mean shyness like everybody thinks, it just means you get more energy by yourself, and when surrounded by too many people, you can feel quite suffocated..maybe you are somewhat depressed, because it seems like it to me..maybe you can try to find little things to be grateul about. if the world bothers you on whichever isues, maybe you can be the first to change whatever you care about. It'll helped.
I keep my feelings bottled up too, until one day it explodes.well, you can try to express yourself more, it helps makes you feel better and whoever won't listen or hate you for it is not a real friend. It feels to me like you are somewhat rebelling against society like me. Rebelling from the rules and what evey else seems to believe in..If you don't like something, it can be a great thing to start changing it too. Find your pasion in life and go from there and ignore all the criticism if that is what make you happy. They are not living your life, you are.. Do things you've always cared about or hobbies that makes you feel alive..
Good luck, take care.. :)
Thre way you feel, while not the same as the majority, is not unusual. One suggetion is to learn about your personality type. Maybe look online for Myers-Briggs tests, And do some readng about Introverts. Also, sort out what you are truly angry about. It's rarely what we first think it is.
You may also get some insight from some of Eckart Tolle's webcasts.
