can someone just proof read this paper and tell me what i should change/add and what you think about it... no one is home right now to help me proof read it so...if you can help that would be great. thankss in advance. (also i might use this paper as one of my college essays, so tell my what you think and what corrections i should make)
Seeing Myself for the First Time-
The question that everybody wants to know is what do I see when I look in the mirror?
First of all, it’s not what I see, but it’s who I see, and what’s inside of me that I want people to
get to know. But to answer that question I would blatantly tell them that I see a young seventeen
year old girl with long black hair, black eyes, dark skin and a smile that can brighten up
someone’s day. Although these are physical features of what I see in the mirror and what people
notice when we meet each other for the first time, they can’t see my personality or the emotional
side of me.
I see a girl who might seem like she doesn’t care about her appearance or what others
think about her, but deep down inside this girl still feels insecure and not confident about being
herself around people. This girl isn’t confident enough to open her mouth to say something that’s
on her mind. She’s hesitant to speak her mind in the classroom because she’s not only afraid of
what others will say but will be embarrassed if she gets the wrong answer.
I see someone who is not being true to herself, someone who’s too concerned with
making others feel happy, and often forgets about taking the time to check in on her own
happiness. Sometimes she gets caught up in other people’s lives by trying to make theirs better,
she forgets about her own. I see someone who would wake up in the morning, put a smile on and
go on about her day even though she had a bad night. She is that girl who will say everything is
alright even though deep down something is bothering her. Why should she vent to someone and
make a bigger deal out of it? I see someone who doesn’t like letting people know details about
her life because she is apprehensive that they’ll judge her and think differently about her. I see
someone who would rather tell people about the good things in her life and keep the negativity to
herself.
I see someone who is a captain of the soccer team but can sometimes find it difficult to
lead them. This is the time where she has to step up and quit being her quiet self. Being a captain
doesn’t mean she can boss the team around or tell the team what to do. She has to find a way to
motivate them when they’re losing 6-0. She has to set an example when working hard even
though they’re exhausted. This was when I took a deeper look into the mirror and realized that
this is my senior year and I obviously didn’t want to quit and sit the bench the rest of the season.
I have to get past all the pessimistic comments and show my team I am capable of leading them
to victory. I can’t let them down and I can’t let myself down. When I looked in the mirror and
saw myself starring back I realized that I didn’t want to spend my whole high school career
sitting in the corner being quite. I wanted to branch out and being the captain of the soccer team
showed me that I do have confidence. It forced me to step out of my comfort zone and be myself.
I use to see someone who wishes that they were taller, prettier, more confident and
outgoing. Now I see someone who realizes that she wouldn’t want to change anything about
herself because everything happens for a reason. Who I am today is what everyone likes about
me and that is why I have so many caring people in my life. They like me for who I am and not
what I am trying to be. I know now that I have the confidence to speak up, do what I want, and
try different things without caring about what the world thinks, somewhere inside me. I know I
am capable of doing anything that my heart desires. I just have to look deep down and find it.
This is my last year at Warwick Veterans Memorial High School. Before graduation I
want to be able to look in the mirror and see the person I was, the person I am, and the person I
will become and say with confidence “I am (first middle last - name goes here. I am a confident, friendly girl who doesn’t care what other people think. I am beautiful on the inside and the outside. I am intelligent and I am definitely someone you would want to meet and become friends with.”
Can someone check this paper for me?
Very, very good. There are just a few grammar and spelling probs I'd like to help you with.
In the sentence that starts %26quot;She's hesitant to speak her mind...%26quot; you need a comma before %26quot;but%26quot;.
%26quot;Sometimes she gets caught up in other people's lives and, by trying to make theirs better, she forgets about her own.%26quot;
%26quot;When I looked in the mirror....quiet.%26quot;
%26quot;I wanted to branch out, and being the captain of the soccer team showed me that I do have confidence.%26quot;
%26quot;I used to see someone....they were taller, prettier, more confident, and outgoing.%26quot;
%26quot;I know now that I have the confidence to speak up, do what I want, and try different things: without caring about what the world thinks somewhere inside of me.%26quot;
I absolutely love the way you worded the last few sentences...very impressive. With such insight into yourself at such a young age, I predict you will enjoy many friends and many successes in life. Good luck to you and God bless you with the best in life.
