I had to write an essay on an extraordinary person. So i picked obama. I also had to write it in THIRD PERSON. If you could check out my essay before i turn it in to my teacher that would be great. Like tell me what you think, what i shoudl add, or what i should delete. Please give me tips, i really want a good grade. Please!
The extraordinary could be anyone, someone that is known or someone that is an idol. An extraordinary person can be a celebrity, actor, actress, or just somebody that is well known. That person is somebody that can be looked up too. There are many extraordinary people in the world; the remarkable, the brave, the people who change other's lives in an instant or a lifetime. President Barack Obama meets all those characteristics, which are why he is extraordinary.
Obama is an inspirational role model for many Americans and also citizens of other countries as well. He is the first African-American to run for President of the United States. That鈥檚 really brave to run for president as a black man, knowing that he could be assassinated any second of the day. He is a hard worker.
Before he first started running for president, Obama had made plans to make America a better country. His plans are equal to everyone, such as Obama has many plans to make America a better country than it has been these past nine years. Some of his plans are better health care, ending war in Iraq, better jobs for people, everyone being able to get a college education, and to protecting Medicare for senior citizens. Obama is a very admiring person because he opposes the war in Iraq, by courageously sticking to his position when others name him as unpatriotic.
Many African-Americans look up to Obama, because he has the same nationality as them. Not many African 鈥揂mericans have had the respect that whites have had. It's a comfort to them to think that the head of all authority is has the same color skin as them. He, being an African American is important because he gives a voice to millions of powerless African American. He is trying to overcome the effects of centuries, racism, and also continue the tradition of civil rights. Obama can relate to what they are and all the prejudice that comes along with it. He's black, and it shows them that black people can get somewhere in life and that they can make something out of themselves.
Who would have thought in a million years that a black man would run for the President of the United States? He is a brave man and that鈥檚 what makes him an extraordinary person. Obama has made a major difference in many people鈥檚 lives. He has inspired many people in this world, especially African-Americans. For the first time, he is trying to introduce changes that will help millions of Americans. Some of his plans have already been accomplished and hopefully many more of his plans will be in the future.
10 points if you read my essay?
I read it.
10 points if you read my essay?
Your content seems good, that's the only thing I liked about English essays, that if you can justify it you're instantly right. You do have quite a few minor mistakes, I'm not the most observant with this and it's been about 2 years since I was at high school so I'm a little rusty with English writing. But here goes...
%26quot;can be a celebrity, actor, actress, or just %26quot;
I'm not sure, you may need to ask your teacher, but wouldn't changing it to %26quot;can be a celebrity, an actor, an actress, or just%26quot; sound better, I'm not sure if it's a rule, but it seems to fit.
%26quot;characteristics, which are why he is extraordinary.%26quot;
should be %26quot;characteristics, which *is* why he is extraordinary.%26quot;
%26quot;
Obama is an inspirational role model for many Americans and also citizens of other countries as well.%26quot;
You're repeating yourself here %26quot;and also%26quot; meaning the same thing as %26quot;as well%26quot; I would get rid of %26quot;as well%26quot;
%26quot;knowing that he could be assassinated any second of the day. He is a hard worker. %26quot;
That last bit, %26quot;He is a hard worker%26quot; seems a little out of place there, you sort of led up with talk of his bravery, then all of the sudden switched to him being a hard worker, it may be a good idea to change or drop the sentence.
%26quot;Before he first started running for president, Obama had made plans to make America a better country. His plans are equal to everyone, such as Obama has many plans to make America a better country than it has been these past nine years.%26quot;
You've repeated yourself again, you might be able to think of a better way to organise it, but firstly, I would chance %26quot;equal to everyone%26quot; to equally beneficial for everyone%26quot; or %26quot;His plans benefit everyone%26quot;, as for his plans to make America a better country, you said that twice, so you may want to figure out a way to trim it down so it is only said once.
%26quot;Obama is a very admiring person because%26quot;
Is that meant to be admirable?
%26quot;the effects of centuries, racism, and%26quot;
Should this be:
%26quot;the effects of centuries of racism, and%26quot;
Besides that, I didn't see anything in there, good luck with your grades, if you're still in high school then remember you can ask your teacher for help, you get a guarantee that it'll be proof read right. Although feel free to email me via my answers profile, if you need help with other stuff. And again, good luck.
