its kinda longlol
its a profile essay!
Konosuke Matsushita is the founder of Panasonic, and he is widely known ‘’ the god of management” among business people in Japan. Panasonic is widely known as one of the biggest electronics company in the world. He is one of my mentors, and I have some reasons why I admire and respect him.
He was born in Wakayama in Japan on 1984. He had been spending a long time in a poor environment when he was a child, so he could not get good education, and he was sick. However, his family became really poor, so he had to work in order to support his family, and he dropped out of school when he was nine years old.
When he was sixteen years old, he saw a trolley running in Osaka which is one of the largest cities of Japan. He was really surprised by the trolley, because the trolley was totally a new thing at the period and then he decided to work at an electronics company in Osaka. He worked at the company for seven years. While he was working, he invented the light bulb which can switch easily. It was an innovate invention at the period. It was really dangerous if we switched them by themselves at the time. We had to ask specialists to switch them, but now we can switch light bulbs easily.
After he worked at the company, he sat up his own company in Osaka. His company’s products were known as the name brand ‘’National” in Japan. However, while his products have been known in the world, the company changed the name from National to Panasonic. Panasonic kept inventing many goods while he has lived, and they changed people’s lives to get wealthier. He passed away on 1989, at the age of ninety four years old. After he passed away, Panasonic has still been creating many goods.
Occasionally, I read his books. The books are sort of my bibles. He wrote, “When I was a child, I had really nothing, I was not smart, so I could not have good knowledge, and I also was sick, so I tried to work with my body, but I could not work very well. Therefore, I could sincerely ask and learn from people who knew what I did not know. I believe keeping humble, being positive, and having passion are really important.” When I was in middle school, I read his books for the first time. I could not understand very well at first what he wrote, but I have gradually come to realize that while I have spent a couple of years.
Japan was terribly poor after World War II. I have often heard of it from my grandparent generation about how they were when they were young, but now Japan is a wealthy and peaceful country. Japan does not have many natural resources. Japan has only people themselves. I believe that such people have been forming Japan, and I also think that if there were not such people, there would not be current Japan, so I really appreciate him and his accomplishment.
Help! Help! Could you check my essay and my grammar!?
paragraph 1
'known as'
one of the biggest companies (plural)
%26quot;He is one of my mentors, and I have some reasons why I admire and respect him.%26quot;
I admire and respect him for many reasons. I consider him as a mentor.
..
rest is on u
..
keep in mind mentor suggests that you actually knew him and he taught u stuff. u
have to specify in what way he is your mentor.
Help! Help! Could you check my essay and my grammar!?
%26quot;Panasonic is widely known as one of the biggest electronic company in the world.%26quot; Change %26quot;company%26quot; to %26quot;companies.%26quot;
%26quot;He was really surprised by the trolley...%26quot; Don't use %26quot;really.%26quot; It's not proper.
%26quot;...the trolley was totally a new thing at the period.%26quot; Change that to %26quot;the trolley was a new thing at the time.%26quot;
%26quot;...and then he decided to work at an electronics company...%26quot; Delete %26quot;and then%26quot; and start a new sentence at He decided to...
%26quot;While he was working, he invented the light bulb which can switch easily.%26quot; That makes it sound like he invented the light bulb. Change that to %26quot;he invented a light bulb that can switch easily.%26quot;
%26quot;He passed away on 1989.%26quot; Change %26quot;on%26quot; to %26quot;in.%26quot;
%26quot;After he passed away, Panasonic has still been creating many goods.%26quot; Change %26quot;after%26quot; to %26quot;though.%26quot;
%26quot;I have gradually come to realize that while I have spent a couple of years.%26quot; I think you meant, %26quot;after a couple of years, I gradually came to realize what he meant.%26quot;
%26quot;...often heard of it from my grandparent generation...%26quot; Change grandparent generation to %26quot;grandparents' generation.%26quot;
%26quot;...there would not be current Japan...%26quot; Add %26quot;the.%26quot; There would not be THE current Japan.
I'll try to cover as much as I can.
Paragraph 1. you need the word 'as' after he is widely known (he is widely known as %26quot;the.....%26quot;)
Since you used 'widely known' in the first sentence, I wouldn't use it again in the second sentence. Change 'Panasonic is widely known as one of the.... change it to Panasonic is well-known as one of the largest companies in the world.
Paragraph 2. The date couldn't be correct...He would only be 25-26 years old. I think you mean 1884. The second sentence appears you want it in the past tense (obviously), but I would rephrase the sentence.... He grew up as sickly child in a poor environment, inhibiting him to receive a good education. Being a victim of poverty, he was forced to drop out of school at the age of nine in order to support his family.
Paragraph 3. At the age of sixteen, he traveled to Osaka, Japan's largest city. At his amazement, he saw a trolley. The trolley was a new invention at this time, and it sparked an interest in electronics. He soon went to work at an electronics company in Osaka. During the seven years he worked for the company, he invented the light bulb which can switch easily.
In your next sentence you have . at the period. I would replace it with It was an innovative invention for this time period.
The last two sentences of this paragraph you speak in the form of 'we.' I am assuming you are quoting something he said. Therefore, you need to put your quotation marks around the quote and state the he said. He said, %26quot;...........%26quot;
Paragraph 4.
After working for the company for seven years, he started his own company in Osaka. Later, as his products were sold world-wide, the company changed its name from National to Panasonic. Panasonic continued inventing more products, and changed peoples' lives (the word peoples' needs to have the 's' first and then the apostrophe after the s. This is because you are referring to many people) However, this sentence is unclear how the people became wealthier. You need to clarify how. Was it because his company employed many people? Or was it because his products allowed for a wealthier lifestyle?
Your next sentence you state that he passed away 'on' 1989. this should be changed to.. in 1989, at the age of ninety-four. 'years old' is not necessary. After he passed away, Panasonic continued inventing and producing new products.
Paragraph 5
In this paragraph you started it talking about reading his books, and then towards the end of the paragraph you mention it again. This is repetitive.. I would take the sentence about first reading the books in middle school and move this sentence to the beginning of your paragraph and make it one sentence.
I read his books for the first time in middle school. During the time, I did not comprehend his writings. The second part of this sentence you stated, but I have gradually come to realize that while I have spent a couple of years. This is unclear. You realized what? I'm not sure if this is this is what you're trying to say..... During the time, I did not comprehend his writings, but over time have come to understand and appreciate his books. His books have become my bibles. He wrote, %26quot;When....... You might want to clarify what this quote means to you, such as how it relates to your life.
Paragraph 6
In this paragraph you use the word Japan six times. Replace the world Japan with 'it' and only use the word Japan twice. In the second sentence grandparent should be grandparents' generation. this sentence is also unclear. You wrote about how they were when they were young. Who are you referring to when you say 'they?%26quot; Are you referring to the Japanese people or your grandparents' generation? as you continue the sentence I would say, but it is now a wealthy and peaceful country. The country has very few natural resources; therefore, relies on its people.
The people have made Japan what it is, and without them it would not be the country that it is today. Konosuke Matsushita is a great inspiration and is appreciated for his accomplishments.
Since the essay is about Konosuke, it would be good to mention his name at the end of your essay instead of saying 'him.'
I hope I have helped you. These are only ideas and with it being your essay, do as you wish. Just becareful repeating words. I noticed you used the word 'really' many times. I gave you ideas above how to rewrite some of your essay.
Good luck.
Source(s):
source: myself and years of teaching,,,and a major in english in college.
