Not even the first chapter is done, I literally JUST started. I'm just curious how it sounds. And by the way, the plot will be that the girl is abused by her father, but ends up finding solace in the least imaginable person; the guy she hates at school.
Preface
What would you do if you had a secret that no one could know about, one that would change people’s lives if it was exposed? What if someone or something was preventing you in every which way not to tell? But what if that secret affected every moment of your life, truly destroying you in every possible way; would you tell?
That’s exactly what’s been going through my head my whole life.
Chapter 1
Each day, I walk down the halls of school with the burning of eyes on my lifeless body. How is it possible that they all notice me, yet couldn’t care less about asking me to sit with them at lunch or hang out Friday night? That’s easy; I’m the most dull, boring, depressed person… ever.
It probably hasn’t been since the fourth grade that I had a ‘play date’, and I’m already in the tenth grade. But who would want to hang out with me, the freakish kid with bruises and lack of personality; I must just be a “troubled soul”. How many times have I heard that…
The guidance counselors can’t seem to find out what’s wrong with me, not even a shrink. Yet it’s obvious to everyone that something about me is… off. But what? I wonder if anyone will ever find out… or will I just die with this giant secret hanging over me, the secret that defines who I am. Honestly, why should I even give a damn any more. Even if I died right now, no one would notice, so what’s the point of me caring?
. . .
It’s the first day back from summer vacation. Thus begins a new year, a new level of stress, and new eyes to watch and sneer at me. Even though I can see those burning eyes and hear the giggles behind my back, being at school feels so safe. I guess it could be called my home away from home; maybe I should just stay here and never go back.
Ring, Ring. Great. History class.
Room 143; Ms. Parker’s room. Why should I even bother going in? If I do, I’ll just sit there, waiting for Ms. Parker to take one look at me and judge me as the class-cutting, non-worker. I wonder how long it would take her to notice if I just never stepped foot in her room. She probably would never even know that I’m missing. No one would.
“Hey look, it’s Erin! Heeey Eriiiiin!” Who else could that snicker come from but popular quarterback Jake Newbridge. “What happened to you over the summer; you look even worse than before!”
“I… shut up…” My soft voice barely came out as it tapered off.
“What was that?”
“I said shut up.”
“Oh, so someone has a secret.” His almost sang the words.
“No, I… I just said shut up… please…”
“What’s the problem, Erin? You wanna talk about it?” I can’t stand his mocking tone!
“I said SHUT UP!” Before I could even realize what had happened, I had stormed off down the hall. Jake presumably just stood there with his jock friends. Stupidly, I listened to what Jake was saying.
“Wow. Erin’s a freak. That girl needs serious help. I was just being friendly.” I couldn’t stand any more of Jake’s repulsive laughter. What would he say if I just told him the truth, why I’m such a “freak”; he’d probably just laugh. And that’s what I hate about this goddamn school; no one sets their priorities strait. If I knew someone who appeared to be utterly distressed, I’d help them, not laugh at them. Isn’t that what a normal person would do?
What do you think of the VERY BEGINNING of my book?
Don't TELL us you're dull, boring, depressed- SHOW it.
And is she apathetic or very dramatic, because it seems like you spend all the narrative saying how dull and apathetic she is, but then she acts stung and hurt..... I can't really explain it, there's just a contradiction there.
It is a good start, just those inconsistencies.
What do you think of the VERY BEGINNING of my book?
its good!
~~~Daddy's Baby Girl~~~
wow i actually read it!
haha
anyways i think its really good.. i actually wanted to read more.
by the way you spelled straight wrong.. close to the bottom.
good luck on the rest : )
Sounds like it will be a great story that many teens will want to read, and some could sadly relate to it. It DOES have a really depressing tone, and I know thats the point, but I think it could get really old really fast.....maybe writing it from another person's perspective? Just think about it! :) Great start though!
I like i so far! keep writing and post your next chapter soon
!!
Haha, at first I thought she was a vampire.
But good, I liked it.
OHHH-MMMEE-GEEE
MOST stories on Y!A aren't that good... Yours was.... I really want to hear more from you, it was THAT good, will you please consider e-mailing me the rest, i need a summer read :) im very picky on my books....
I GIVE YOU AN A+++
It is okay. Not much to judge off of. You overuse ... which is not terrible but it is some what annoying to look at. A good vocabulary for your purpose. So yeah, looking good. Could be the next The Catcher In the Rye!
Pretty good. I would totally buy this book. Everything was great but the preface seemed a little cliche. keep writing, I want to read more!
Wow, thats pretty good. I just think you should change it from %26quot;Ring, Ring%26quot; tho something like her describing the ring. Like saying %26quot;Then there was a ring.%26quot; Just don't use my example, cause it sounds like crap. I'm sure you can come up with something more creative and not stupid. HAHA, yeah not that funny. Otherwise, very good and creative. Defenitly something I would read. Good Luck with your book. And I would love to read more.
I don't like goddamn or damn...
try to use less profanity... =D
hey! it's pretty good, actually I wouldn't mind reading some more xD
you should upload it at fictionpress.com :D
... send me a link if you do, or at least a title :B
