can someone just proof read this paper and tell me what i should change/add and what you think about it... no one is home right now to help me proof read it so...if you can help that would be great. thankss in advance. (also i might use this paper as one of my college essays, so tell my what you think and what corrections i should make)
Seeing Myself for the First Time-
The question that everybody wants to know is what do I see when I look in the mirror?
First of all, it’s not what I see, but it’s who I see, and what’s inside of me that I want people to
get to know. But to answer that question I would blatantly tell them that I see a young seventeen
year old girl with long black hair, black eyes, dark skin and a smile that can brighten up
someone’s day. Although these are physical features of what I see in the mirror and what people
notice when we meet each other for the first time, they can’t see my personality or the emotional
side of me.
I see a girl who might seem like she doesn’t care about her appearance or what others
think about her, but deep down inside this girl still feels insecure and not confident about being
herself around people. This girl isn’t confident enough to open her mouth to say something that’s
on her mind. She’s hesitant to speak her mind in the classroom because she’s not only afraid of
what others will say but will be embarrassed if she gets the wrong answer.
I see someone who is not being true to herself, someone who’s too concerned with
making others feel happy, and often forgets about taking the time to check in on her own
happiness. Sometimes she gets caught up in other people’s lives by trying to make theirs better,
she forgets about her own. I see someone who would wake up in the morning, put a smile on and
go on about her day even though she had a bad night. She is that girl who will say everything is
alright even though deep down something is bothering her. Why should she vent to someone and
make a bigger deal out of it? I see someone who doesn’t like letting people know details about
her life because she is apprehensive that they’ll judge her and think differently about her. I see
someone who would rather tell people about the good things in her life and keep the negativity to
herself.
I see someone who is a captain of the soccer team but can sometimes find it difficult to
lead them. This is the time where she has to step up and quit being her quiet self. Being a captain
doesn’t mean she can boss the team around or tell the team what to do. She has to find a way to
motivate them when they’re losing 6-0. She has to set an example when working hard even
though they’re exhausted. This was when I took a deeper look into the mirror and realized that
this is my senior year and I obviously didn’t want to quit and sit the bench the rest of the season.
I have to get past all the pessimistic comments and show my team I am capable of leading them
to victory. I can’t let them down and I can’t let myself down. When I looked in the mirror and
saw myself starring back I realized that I didn’t want to spend my whole high school career
sitting in the corner being quite. I wanted to branch out and being the captain of the soccer team
showed me that I do have confidence. It forced me to step out of my comfort zone and be myself.
I use to see someone who wishes that they were taller, prettier, more confident and
outgoing. Now I see someone who realizes that she wouldn’t want to change anything about
herself because everything happens for a reason. Who I am today is what everyone likes about
me and that is why I have so many caring people in my life. They like me for who I am and not
what I am trying to be. I know now that I have the confidence to speak up, do what I want, and
try different things without caring about what the world thinks, somewhere inside me. I know I
am capable of doing anything that my heart desires. I just have to look deep down and find it.
This is my last year at Warwick Veterans Memorial High School. Before graduation I
want to be able to look in the mirror and see the person I was, the person I am, and the person I
will become and say with confidence “I am (first middle last - name goes here. I am a confident, friendly girl who doesn’t care what other people think. I am beautiful on the inside and the outside. I am intelligent and I am definitely someone you would want to meet and become friends with.”
Can someone check this paper for me?
Very, very good. There are just a few grammar and spelling probs I'd like to help you with.
In the sentence that starts %26quot;She's hesitant to speak her mind...%26quot; you need a comma before %26quot;but%26quot;.
%26quot;Sometimes she gets caught up in other people's lives and, by trying to make theirs better, she forgets about her own.%26quot;
%26quot;When I looked in the mirror....quiet.%26quot;
%26quot;I wanted to branch out, and being the captain of the soccer team showed me that I do have confidence.%26quot;
%26quot;I used to see someone....they were taller, prettier, more confident, and outgoing.%26quot;
%26quot;I know now that I have the confidence to speak up, do what I want, and try different things: without caring about what the world thinks somewhere inside of me.%26quot;
I absolutely love the way you worded the last few sentences...very impressive. With such insight into yourself at such a young age, I predict you will enjoy many friends and many successes in life. Good luck to you and God bless you with the best in life.
Saturday, 24 September 2011
Can you please correct my mistakes ex grammar, fragments run on sentences "MONKEYS PAW" best answer 10 pts?
I have to write a paragraph on how mr. whites attitute towards the paw changes please tell me some ways i can make my parragraph sound more strong
Mr. White changes his attitude toward the paw, from once a sence of curiosity to knowing that this paw is the source of his and his families’ corruption. Mr. White is unaware of the supernatural powers that the monkey's paw possesses. He does not believe that %26quot;fate rules people's lives an d those who interfere with it do so to their sorrow%26quot;(4). The paw changes the serene environment in the family to a home that is full of sorrow. When the paw takes the life of Mr. White's only son, his views about thepaw hange drastically. The man does not want to have any connection with this dreadful talisman. In order to reverse the wish he gets %26quot;on his hands and knees grapes wildly o the floor in search of the paw%26quot;(8). The monkey's paw leaves Mr. White in a world full of sadness. He cries to his wife,%26quot;for heavens sake do not let it in%26quot;(8). The attitude towards the paw takes an opposite turn from the time Mr. White first sees the paw. He learns the most important lesson from the paw that he should not interfere with faith again.
HELP WITH CONCLUDInG SENTENCE
Can you please correct my mistakes ex grammar, fragments run on sentences %26quot;MONKEYS PAW%26quot; best answer 10 pts?
I love this story. You need to talk more about how Mr. White feels about the paw at the start. Some sentence ideas would be:
When Mr. White first gets the monkey's paw, he....
Mr. White believes the paw is...
He hopes he will be able to...
Here is a corrected version of your paragraph:
Mr. White changes his attitude toward the paw, from a sense of curiosity to knowing that this paw is the source of his and his family's corruption. Mr. White is unaware of the supernatural powers that the monkey's paw possesses. He does not believe that %26quot;fate rules people's lives and those who interfere with it do so to their sorrow%26quot;(4). The paw changes the serene environment in the home to one that is full of sorrow. When the paw takes the life of Mr. White's only son, his views about the paw change drastically. The man does not want to have any connection with this dreadful talisman. In order to reverse the wish he gets %26quot;on his hands and knees grasps wildly on the floor in search of the paw%26quot;(8). The monkey's paw leaves Mr. White in a world full of sadness. He cries to his wife,%26quot;for heaven's sake do not let it in%26quot;(8). His attitude towards the paw takes an opposite turn from the time Mr. White first sees the paw. He learns the most important lesson from the paw that he should not interfere with fate again.
I think this last sentence is a good concluding sentence, but maybe you can make it a bit longer.
Mr. White learns an important lesson from the paw: he should not interfere with fate again because...
Good job! Good luck!
Mr. White changes his attitude toward the paw, from once a sence of curiosity to knowing that this paw is the source of his and his families’ corruption. Mr. White is unaware of the supernatural powers that the monkey's paw possesses. He does not believe that %26quot;fate rules people's lives an d those who interfere with it do so to their sorrow%26quot;(4). The paw changes the serene environment in the family to a home that is full of sorrow. When the paw takes the life of Mr. White's only son, his views about thepaw hange drastically. The man does not want to have any connection with this dreadful talisman. In order to reverse the wish he gets %26quot;on his hands and knees grapes wildly o the floor in search of the paw%26quot;(8). The monkey's paw leaves Mr. White in a world full of sadness. He cries to his wife,%26quot;for heavens sake do not let it in%26quot;(8). The attitude towards the paw takes an opposite turn from the time Mr. White first sees the paw. He learns the most important lesson from the paw that he should not interfere with faith again.
HELP WITH CONCLUDInG SENTENCE
Can you please correct my mistakes ex grammar, fragments run on sentences %26quot;MONKEYS PAW%26quot; best answer 10 pts?
I love this story. You need to talk more about how Mr. White feels about the paw at the start. Some sentence ideas would be:
When Mr. White first gets the monkey's paw, he....
Mr. White believes the paw is...
He hopes he will be able to...
Here is a corrected version of your paragraph:
Mr. White changes his attitude toward the paw, from a sense of curiosity to knowing that this paw is the source of his and his family's corruption. Mr. White is unaware of the supernatural powers that the monkey's paw possesses. He does not believe that %26quot;fate rules people's lives and those who interfere with it do so to their sorrow%26quot;(4). The paw changes the serene environment in the home to one that is full of sorrow. When the paw takes the life of Mr. White's only son, his views about the paw change drastically. The man does not want to have any connection with this dreadful talisman. In order to reverse the wish he gets %26quot;on his hands and knees grasps wildly on the floor in search of the paw%26quot;(8). The monkey's paw leaves Mr. White in a world full of sadness. He cries to his wife,%26quot;for heaven's sake do not let it in%26quot;(8). His attitude towards the paw takes an opposite turn from the time Mr. White first sees the paw. He learns the most important lesson from the paw that he should not interfere with fate again.
I think this last sentence is a good concluding sentence, but maybe you can make it a bit longer.
Mr. White learns an important lesson from the paw: he should not interfere with fate again because...
Good job! Good luck!
I need your opinion! Please!!!?
I'm writing a short novel of some sort, for fun, and I want your opinion. It is about a selfish woman who is in a car accident and is in the hospital. The man in the conflicting car is in the hospital bed beside her and he influences her in a good way and changes her, but he dies of some symptoms of the accident (don't worry it is not as corny as it sounds). He is a sort of John Doe type figure. Anyway, This is just the beginning part (before the actually story begins, like in the dedication part) so tell me what you think.
P.S. I'm only 13 so don't expect it to be a Pulitzer Prize winner.
Mary McCarthy once wrote, “We all live in suspense from day to day, from hour to hour; in other words, you are the hero of your own story.” From this I had concluded that I would be my own hero because nobody else could have an influence of my life if I didn’t want him or her to. But everybody has to be wrong once in a while, no matter how much you thought you were right. Things happen not by chance, but for a specific purpose that cannot be avoided. This is called fate and though one might not believe it is real, it helps others believe that is why things happen. This is a story about a hidden hero who emerged, not from out of anywhere, but from right beside me and made me believe that fate had some influence on people’s lives.
Here is the ending type thing, I know it is cliché, so please remember this is a rough draft.
As I look back on my life I remember the great Charles Dickens saying, %26quot;Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.%26quot; I now know that the hero of my life was that man in the hospital. The man that showed me what life is really about. It is not about how big your house is, or how much money you have. It is about the people who allow you to be you and those who are there for you, even after they visit the pearly gates of heaven. John Doe has influenced my life and now I wish to influence someone else's because that is what life is really about.
I need your opinion! Please!!!?
I think that idea could be great. Sort of like the idea from the movie Pay It Forward.
Just don't get stuck in this ending. Let the ending flow from the rest of the story.
I need your opinion! Please!!!?
yeah :) it's really good
wow that was sort of touching, i think its great. i like writing stories for fun too! but i think you have talent
First of all, the whole premise is false. A hospital would never place a male and female in the same room. Even in an ER or ICU, the rooms are cordoned off.
I like it,
Its very detailed.
=]
sounds like a great story...keep up the good work:) thanks for answering my baby name question:)
Wow. I think it's really great. I'm 12, almost 13, and I love writing stories for fun. I think this is a great idea. Just by reading this I can tell you have a great talent for writing. Good luck with the rest of the story, and have fun with it.
? Julzsuite my skin tone baby ducks eat
P.S. I'm only 13 so don't expect it to be a Pulitzer Prize winner.
Mary McCarthy once wrote, “We all live in suspense from day to day, from hour to hour; in other words, you are the hero of your own story.” From this I had concluded that I would be my own hero because nobody else could have an influence of my life if I didn’t want him or her to. But everybody has to be wrong once in a while, no matter how much you thought you were right. Things happen not by chance, but for a specific purpose that cannot be avoided. This is called fate and though one might not believe it is real, it helps others believe that is why things happen. This is a story about a hidden hero who emerged, not from out of anywhere, but from right beside me and made me believe that fate had some influence on people’s lives.
Here is the ending type thing, I know it is cliché, so please remember this is a rough draft.
As I look back on my life I remember the great Charles Dickens saying, %26quot;Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.%26quot; I now know that the hero of my life was that man in the hospital. The man that showed me what life is really about. It is not about how big your house is, or how much money you have. It is about the people who allow you to be you and those who are there for you, even after they visit the pearly gates of heaven. John Doe has influenced my life and now I wish to influence someone else's because that is what life is really about.
I need your opinion! Please!!!?
I think that idea could be great. Sort of like the idea from the movie Pay It Forward.
Just don't get stuck in this ending. Let the ending flow from the rest of the story.
I need your opinion! Please!!!?
yeah :) it's really good
wow that was sort of touching, i think its great. i like writing stories for fun too! but i think you have talent
First of all, the whole premise is false. A hospital would never place a male and female in the same room. Even in an ER or ICU, the rooms are cordoned off.
I like it,
Its very detailed.
=]
sounds like a great story...keep up the good work:) thanks for answering my baby name question:)
Wow. I think it's really great. I'm 12, almost 13, and I love writing stories for fun. I think this is a great idea. Just by reading this I can tell you have a great talent for writing. Good luck with the rest of the story, and have fun with it.
? Julz
I've been thinking...?
About how maybe sexuality isn't as rigid as people think it to be. I was wondering, all our other interests in life change as we age and mature, and gain new insights on our lives and others'. Why not people's interests in what they look for in a mate?
At first I thought I was gay but, I don't know, I think people classify themselves as 'gay' or 'straight' or 'bi' because that's just what society does- we label things to make it seem more black and white. We get ourselves in a mindset after a while to follow society's expectations, even if you don't realize it. Then you go your whole life thinking one way, even though your own personal tastes may swing one way to another.
Just my own personal thoughts. I'm only 16 so I don't have a lot of life experience to back this up, so any and all comments are welcome! Which I guess is mainly what I'm looking for- your thoughts on this. I didn't really ask a question :P
I've been thinking...?
Look up these key words: social psychology; sexology; Alfred Kinsey; queer theory.
I've been thinking...?
u r totally right. u r pretty wise and mature for ur age.
u shouldn't label urself. there's more to u than ur sexual orientation. u have ur own ideals, personality, goals, ambitions, dreams... all those things make you who u r, the things u like, the things u don't...
who u like to have sex with or who u don't... is just part of ur tastes -what u like/dislike, but doesn't define you as a person....
I consider myself to be gay because I know that I do not ever want to have sex with a women again. I have been with women but it has been a very long time.
You sound like a wise 16 year old!
Well, I agree that our interests in a mate may change over time. In my opinion, the best psychological theory about sexuality is that it is not black, white, or gray. But, rather, a continuum where one end is homosexuality and the other end is heterosexuality. In the area in between is a gradient of bisexuality. However, that is not to say that we go to sleep as a homosexual and wake up as a heterosexual. But rather, with more and more self discovery as life progresses, we may be more willing to engage in sexual behavior with one or both sexes.
Yeah!
Labels....hate em'...
Sorry I'm not good at answering back unless it's a question :P
At first I thought I was gay but, I don't know, I think people classify themselves as 'gay' or 'straight' or 'bi' because that's just what society does- we label things to make it seem more black and white. We get ourselves in a mindset after a while to follow society's expectations, even if you don't realize it. Then you go your whole life thinking one way, even though your own personal tastes may swing one way to another.
Just my own personal thoughts. I'm only 16 so I don't have a lot of life experience to back this up, so any and all comments are welcome! Which I guess is mainly what I'm looking for- your thoughts on this. I didn't really ask a question :P
I've been thinking...?
Look up these key words: social psychology; sexology; Alfred Kinsey; queer theory.
I've been thinking...?
u r totally right. u r pretty wise and mature for ur age.
u shouldn't label urself. there's more to u than ur sexual orientation. u have ur own ideals, personality, goals, ambitions, dreams... all those things make you who u r, the things u like, the things u don't...
who u like to have sex with or who u don't... is just part of ur tastes -what u like/dislike, but doesn't define you as a person....
I consider myself to be gay because I know that I do not ever want to have sex with a women again. I have been with women but it has been a very long time.
You sound like a wise 16 year old!
Well, I agree that our interests in a mate may change over time. In my opinion, the best psychological theory about sexuality is that it is not black, white, or gray. But, rather, a continuum where one end is homosexuality and the other end is heterosexuality. In the area in between is a gradient of bisexuality. However, that is not to say that we go to sleep as a homosexual and wake up as a heterosexual. But rather, with more and more self discovery as life progresses, we may be more willing to engage in sexual behavior with one or both sexes.
Yeah!
Labels....hate em'...
Sorry I'm not good at answering back unless it's a question :P
Feedback anyone?
I'm trying out to give a speech for my graduation tomorrow. Can you guys tell me if you like it. The theme is dare to be great. Thanks =]
Lets take a trip down memory lane for a moment; your first day of school, the first time you rode a bike by yourself, your first real vacation, moving to middle school, your first real crush, your first relationship, the first time you got behind the wheel, when our football team went to state last year TIDE FOOTBALL REPRESENT!, prom night, and tonight; June 5th, 2008 our graduation. All of these things were great memories that we will cherish forever, but I want to encourage everybody in this room to continue to dare to be great.
Some people might think that graduating from high school is rather easy; I tend to disagree with that notion. On September 7th, 2004 I set foot on Liberty High Schools campus, I had the same thing in mind as I stuck my nametag on a huge piece of butcher paper that read the class of 2008. I look back now thinking how naive I was. At the tender age of fourteen school had always been easy for me; I got mostly A鈥檚 and only a few B鈥檚; I loved English, I hated math, I was involved in band, and sports I really enjoyed school up until that year.
By the time Christmas break rolled around that year, I dreaded getting up in the morning to get ready for school. It seemed as if my life had taken a spiral down the toilet. My grandma who I was very close with and had been until that point was terminally ill, I had to go visit her on the weekends in her hospital room and it鈥檚 hard to see somebody you love suffering so immensely at fourteen, when you can comprehend what鈥檚 going on. She ended up passing on that year. I lost touch with almost all my close friends in middle school and had no new friends at my new school. I was counting down the days until the summer of 2005.
School only got worse from that point on, sophomore year I had a lot of tough classes and had emotional break downs a few times a month. I wasn鈥檛 close with my teachers and they made life harder than it needed to be. Junior year was by far the worst year of my entire life. I hated school because I was harassed every single day; by teachers, by my peers, and I鈥檓 known as the peppy girl around school, well this time last year I鈥檇 come home and cry just about every single day last year. I didn鈥檛 recognize myself and honestly I thought that I鈥檇 never graduate because I hated school so much that I couldn鈥檛 go for the fear of getting beat up. My family didn鈥檛 recognize me; they鈥檇 ask me what had happened to our peppy Amanda, and I鈥檇 say she鈥檚 not here anymore; honestly I was miserable.
On Memorial day weekend last year, I decided that I needed a change. I remembered how much I used to love school and now I just knew that I wouldn鈥檛 graduate. So I decided to transfer schools. People thought I was nuts but I knew that I needed to do it.
Mrs. Laugner accepted my transfer and I came to Glencoe. I knew that if I hadn鈥檛 gotten that transfer accepted that I would have ended up dropping out. My first day of school my senior year was amazing. I was finally happy and the change was hard but I decided that I wanted to dare to be great.
Now I鈥檓 standing up here speaking to you; if I hadn鈥檛 dared to be great I could be flipping burgers at a fast food restaurant right now. I wouldn鈥檛 be attending my dream college in the fall, and I wouldn鈥檛 be pursuing a degree in education. I plan on becoming a teacher because I dare to make other people鈥檚 lives great.
So I鈥檓 encouraging you, the class of 2008 to go out there and do something great. Not only do something great for yourselves, but make a difference in somebody else鈥檚 life. I hope that my story inspired you guys so that you know that when life is tough that you can push through that and keep pressing forward towards your goal. Don鈥檛 ever give up on your dreams, don鈥檛 let anyone tell you that you can鈥檛 do it. But most importantly, dare to be great the class of 2008, dare to be great.
Feedback anyone?
aw its cute, i love it!
its def. a good speech for a graduation
and it really grabs the topic.
wonderful and congradulations %26amp; good luck!
Feedback anyone?
Sounds good to me congradulations!!
It doesn't have much to do with daring to be great but I love it! I think it's really good. I'm sure they will love it anyways :]
Good luck!
Dang do I really have to write a speech when I graduate? Crud...lol
wow!! that sounds really really good!! good luck and happy graduation
Thats really good!
Congrats!!
awww its really good =]
%26quot;All of these things were great memories that we will cherish forever, but I want to encourage everybody in this room to continue to dare to be great.%26quot; - I found that sentence a little shaky, kind of like %26quot;I don't know how to transition myself into the next paragraph, so I'm just going to wing it.%26quot; The %26quot;but%26quot; contradicts what you are trying to say. I would change it to something along the lines of:
I will always cherish these events as fun memories, but I want to encourage everyone to strive for success even when life isn't fun ... Or something like that.
Get rid of %26quot;you guys%26quot;. It sounds very informal. I would change it to %26quot;all of you%26quot; or %26quot;my fellow classmates%26quot;.
%26quot;...and keep pressing forward towards your goal.%26quot; It should be %26quot;toward your goal%26quot;.
That's one heck of a lot of %26quot;dare to be greats%26quot;. It's a good theme, but don't abuse it. The more you say %26quot;dare to be great%26quot;, the more generic your speech sounds.
At the end, I wouldn't say %26quot;dare to be great%26quot; twice. I'm at a loss for how to close it, but what you have doesn't work very well. Maybe %26quot;dare to be the great class of 2008; I know you can do it%26quot; or something like that.
Lets take a trip down memory lane for a moment; your first day of school, the first time you rode a bike by yourself, your first real vacation, moving to middle school, your first real crush, your first relationship, the first time you got behind the wheel, when our football team went to state last year TIDE FOOTBALL REPRESENT!, prom night, and tonight; June 5th, 2008 our graduation. All of these things were great memories that we will cherish forever, but I want to encourage everybody in this room to continue to dare to be great.
Some people might think that graduating from high school is rather easy; I tend to disagree with that notion. On September 7th, 2004 I set foot on Liberty High Schools campus, I had the same thing in mind as I stuck my nametag on a huge piece of butcher paper that read the class of 2008. I look back now thinking how naive I was. At the tender age of fourteen school had always been easy for me; I got mostly A鈥檚 and only a few B鈥檚; I loved English, I hated math, I was involved in band, and sports I really enjoyed school up until that year.
By the time Christmas break rolled around that year, I dreaded getting up in the morning to get ready for school. It seemed as if my life had taken a spiral down the toilet. My grandma who I was very close with and had been until that point was terminally ill, I had to go visit her on the weekends in her hospital room and it鈥檚 hard to see somebody you love suffering so immensely at fourteen, when you can comprehend what鈥檚 going on. She ended up passing on that year. I lost touch with almost all my close friends in middle school and had no new friends at my new school. I was counting down the days until the summer of 2005.
School only got worse from that point on, sophomore year I had a lot of tough classes and had emotional break downs a few times a month. I wasn鈥檛 close with my teachers and they made life harder than it needed to be. Junior year was by far the worst year of my entire life. I hated school because I was harassed every single day; by teachers, by my peers, and I鈥檓 known as the peppy girl around school, well this time last year I鈥檇 come home and cry just about every single day last year. I didn鈥檛 recognize myself and honestly I thought that I鈥檇 never graduate because I hated school so much that I couldn鈥檛 go for the fear of getting beat up. My family didn鈥檛 recognize me; they鈥檇 ask me what had happened to our peppy Amanda, and I鈥檇 say she鈥檚 not here anymore; honestly I was miserable.
On Memorial day weekend last year, I decided that I needed a change. I remembered how much I used to love school and now I just knew that I wouldn鈥檛 graduate. So I decided to transfer schools. People thought I was nuts but I knew that I needed to do it.
Mrs. Laugner accepted my transfer and I came to Glencoe. I knew that if I hadn鈥檛 gotten that transfer accepted that I would have ended up dropping out. My first day of school my senior year was amazing. I was finally happy and the change was hard but I decided that I wanted to dare to be great.
Now I鈥檓 standing up here speaking to you; if I hadn鈥檛 dared to be great I could be flipping burgers at a fast food restaurant right now. I wouldn鈥檛 be attending my dream college in the fall, and I wouldn鈥檛 be pursuing a degree in education. I plan on becoming a teacher because I dare to make other people鈥檚 lives great.
So I鈥檓 encouraging you, the class of 2008 to go out there and do something great. Not only do something great for yourselves, but make a difference in somebody else鈥檚 life. I hope that my story inspired you guys so that you know that when life is tough that you can push through that and keep pressing forward towards your goal. Don鈥檛 ever give up on your dreams, don鈥檛 let anyone tell you that you can鈥檛 do it. But most importantly, dare to be great the class of 2008, dare to be great.
Feedback anyone?
aw its cute, i love it!
its def. a good speech for a graduation
and it really grabs the topic.
wonderful and congradulations %26amp; good luck!
Feedback anyone?
Sounds good to me congradulations!!
It doesn't have much to do with daring to be great but I love it! I think it's really good. I'm sure they will love it anyways :]
Good luck!
Dang do I really have to write a speech when I graduate? Crud...lol
wow!! that sounds really really good!! good luck and happy graduation
Thats really good!
Congrats!!
awww its really good =]
%26quot;All of these things were great memories that we will cherish forever, but I want to encourage everybody in this room to continue to dare to be great.%26quot; - I found that sentence a little shaky, kind of like %26quot;I don't know how to transition myself into the next paragraph, so I'm just going to wing it.%26quot; The %26quot;but%26quot; contradicts what you are trying to say. I would change it to something along the lines of:
I will always cherish these events as fun memories, but I want to encourage everyone to strive for success even when life isn't fun ... Or something like that.
Get rid of %26quot;you guys%26quot;. It sounds very informal. I would change it to %26quot;all of you%26quot; or %26quot;my fellow classmates%26quot;.
%26quot;...and keep pressing forward towards your goal.%26quot; It should be %26quot;toward your goal%26quot;.
That's one heck of a lot of %26quot;dare to be greats%26quot;. It's a good theme, but don't abuse it. The more you say %26quot;dare to be great%26quot;, the more generic your speech sounds.
At the end, I wouldn't say %26quot;dare to be great%26quot; twice. I'm at a loss for how to close it, but what you have doesn't work very well. Maybe %26quot;dare to be the great class of 2008; I know you can do it%26quot; or something like that.
Feedback anyone?
I'm trying out to give a speech for my graduation tomorrow. Can you guys tell me if you like it. The theme is dare to be great. Thanks =]
Lets take a trip down memory lane for a moment; your first day of school, the first time you rode a bike by yourself, your first real vacation, moving to middle school, your first real crush, your first relationship, the first time you got behind the wheel, when our football team went to state last year TIDE FOOTBALL REPRESENT!, prom night, and tonight; June 5th, 2008 our graduation. All of these things were great memories that we will cherish forever, but I want to encourage everybody in this room to continue to dare to be great.
Some people might think that graduating from high school is rather easy; I tend to disagree with that notion. On September 7th, 2004 I set foot on Liberty High Schools campus, I had the same thing in mind as I stuck my nametag on a huge piece of butcher paper that read the class of 2008. I look back now thinking how naive I was. At the tender age of fourteen school had always been easy for me; I got mostly A鈥檚 and only a few B鈥檚; I loved English, I hated math, I was involved in band, and sports I really enjoyed school up until that year.
By the time Christmas break rolled around that year, I dreaded getting up in the morning to get ready for school. It seemed as if my life had taken a spiral down the toilet. My grandma who I was very close with and had been until that point was terminally ill, I had to go visit her on the weekends in her hospital room and it鈥檚 hard to see somebody you love suffering so immensely at fourteen, when you can comprehend what鈥檚 going on. She ended up passing on that year. I lost touch with almost all my close friends in middle school and had no new friends at my new school. I was counting down the days until the summer of 2005.
School only got worse from that point on, sophomore year I had a lot of tough classes and had emotional break downs a few times a month. I wasn鈥檛 close with my teachers and they made life harder than it needed to be. Junior year was by far the worst year of my entire life. I hated school because I was harassed every single day; by teachers, by my peers, and I鈥檓 known as the peppy girl around school, well this time last year I鈥檇 come home and cry just about every single day last year. I didn鈥檛 recognize myself and honestly I thought that I鈥檇 never graduate because I hated school so much that I couldn鈥檛 go for the fear of getting beat up. My family didn鈥檛 recognize me; they鈥檇 ask me what had happened to our peppy Amanda, and I鈥檇 say she鈥檚 not here anymore; honestly I was miserable.
On Memorial day weekend last year, I decided that I needed a change. I remembered how much I used to love school and now I just knew that I wouldn鈥檛 graduate. So I decided to transfer schools. People thought I was nuts but I knew that I needed to do it.
Mrs. Laugner accepted my transfer and I came to Glencoe. I knew that if I hadn鈥檛 gotten that transfer accepted that I would have ended up dropping out. My first day of school my senior year was amazing. I was finally happy and the change was hard but I decided that I wanted to dare to be great.
Now I鈥檓 standing up here speaking to you; if I hadn鈥檛 dared to be great I could be flipping burgers at a fast food restaurant right now. I wouldn鈥檛 be attending my dream college in the fall, and I wouldn鈥檛 be pursuing a degree in education. I plan on becoming a teacher because I dare to make other people鈥檚 lives great.
So I鈥檓 encouraging you, the class of 2008 to go out there and do something great. Not only do something great for yourselves, but make a difference in somebody else鈥檚 life. I hope that my story inspired you guys so that you know that when life is tough that you can push through that and keep pressing forward towards your goal. Don鈥檛 ever give up on your dreams, don鈥檛 let anyone tell you that you can鈥檛 do it. But most importantly, dare to be great the class of 2008, dare to be great.
Feedback anyone?
awsome speech may need a few modifications though love it
Feedback anyone?
Overall good. Sum up the personal aspects....remember you moved on to another school for a reason. 50% of your speech is about your struggle. I understand the point you want to get across, but the same point can be made in 2-3 short sentences.
Also, I suggest providing some example of what you consider %26quot;great%26quot; See below:
%26quot;So I鈥檓 encouraging you, the class of 2008 to go out there and do something great. get a college degree, join the military, open a business, volunteer. Do something great for yourself...(pause)but (pause) make a difference in somebody else鈥檚 life (pause) and it will improve the quality of your life AND another's.%26quot;
Add a joke in the beginning. This is after all your last chance to poke fun at a teacher! LOL.
Lets take a trip down memory lane for a moment; your first day of school, the first time you rode a bike by yourself, your first real vacation, moving to middle school, your first real crush, your first relationship, the first time you got behind the wheel, when our football team went to state last year TIDE FOOTBALL REPRESENT!, prom night, and tonight; June 5th, 2008 our graduation. All of these things were great memories that we will cherish forever, but I want to encourage everybody in this room to continue to dare to be great.
Some people might think that graduating from high school is rather easy; I tend to disagree with that notion. On September 7th, 2004 I set foot on Liberty High Schools campus, I had the same thing in mind as I stuck my nametag on a huge piece of butcher paper that read the class of 2008. I look back now thinking how naive I was. At the tender age of fourteen school had always been easy for me; I got mostly A鈥檚 and only a few B鈥檚; I loved English, I hated math, I was involved in band, and sports I really enjoyed school up until that year.
By the time Christmas break rolled around that year, I dreaded getting up in the morning to get ready for school. It seemed as if my life had taken a spiral down the toilet. My grandma who I was very close with and had been until that point was terminally ill, I had to go visit her on the weekends in her hospital room and it鈥檚 hard to see somebody you love suffering so immensely at fourteen, when you can comprehend what鈥檚 going on. She ended up passing on that year. I lost touch with almost all my close friends in middle school and had no new friends at my new school. I was counting down the days until the summer of 2005.
School only got worse from that point on, sophomore year I had a lot of tough classes and had emotional break downs a few times a month. I wasn鈥檛 close with my teachers and they made life harder than it needed to be. Junior year was by far the worst year of my entire life. I hated school because I was harassed every single day; by teachers, by my peers, and I鈥檓 known as the peppy girl around school, well this time last year I鈥檇 come home and cry just about every single day last year. I didn鈥檛 recognize myself and honestly I thought that I鈥檇 never graduate because I hated school so much that I couldn鈥檛 go for the fear of getting beat up. My family didn鈥檛 recognize me; they鈥檇 ask me what had happened to our peppy Amanda, and I鈥檇 say she鈥檚 not here anymore; honestly I was miserable.
On Memorial day weekend last year, I decided that I needed a change. I remembered how much I used to love school and now I just knew that I wouldn鈥檛 graduate. So I decided to transfer schools. People thought I was nuts but I knew that I needed to do it.
Mrs. Laugner accepted my transfer and I came to Glencoe. I knew that if I hadn鈥檛 gotten that transfer accepted that I would have ended up dropping out. My first day of school my senior year was amazing. I was finally happy and the change was hard but I decided that I wanted to dare to be great.
Now I鈥檓 standing up here speaking to you; if I hadn鈥檛 dared to be great I could be flipping burgers at a fast food restaurant right now. I wouldn鈥檛 be attending my dream college in the fall, and I wouldn鈥檛 be pursuing a degree in education. I plan on becoming a teacher because I dare to make other people鈥檚 lives great.
So I鈥檓 encouraging you, the class of 2008 to go out there and do something great. Not only do something great for yourselves, but make a difference in somebody else鈥檚 life. I hope that my story inspired you guys so that you know that when life is tough that you can push through that and keep pressing forward towards your goal. Don鈥檛 ever give up on your dreams, don鈥檛 let anyone tell you that you can鈥檛 do it. But most importantly, dare to be great the class of 2008, dare to be great.
Feedback anyone?
awsome speech may need a few modifications though love it
Feedback anyone?
Overall good. Sum up the personal aspects....remember you moved on to another school for a reason. 50% of your speech is about your struggle. I understand the point you want to get across, but the same point can be made in 2-3 short sentences.
Also, I suggest providing some example of what you consider %26quot;great%26quot; See below:
%26quot;So I鈥檓 encouraging you, the class of 2008 to go out there and do something great. get a college degree, join the military, open a business, volunteer. Do something great for yourself...(pause)but (pause) make a difference in somebody else鈥檚 life (pause) and it will improve the quality of your life AND another's.%26quot;
Add a joke in the beginning. This is after all your last chance to poke fun at a teacher! LOL.
Hrm... How does this rough draft of The Aeneid look?
so i've finally finished my essay and i was wondering you guys think about it. The topic question i chose was.... The end of the Aeneid (Bk.12. 1094-1113) shows the epic hero behaving in a manner that seems to contradict Anchises’ advice to Aeneas in Book Six, “to spare the defeated, break the proud in war” (6. 984). After all, at this moment, Turnus has been defeated and is humbly supplicating Aeneas for mercy. On the other hand, Turnus has also been pompous and brazen in his killing of Pallas and wearing his belt (see Book 10.563-602). In your opinion, does Aeneas respect his father’s words and does his piety to Evander, the father of Pallas (see Book 8; and Book 11, lines 174-215, especially 208-215), justify his killing of Turnus? Or does Aeneas’ suppressed rage break free here, revealing him as subject to the forces of irrational passion that Juno has represented throughout the epic? What are the implications of this end to Virgil's great epic of empire?
Throughout the The Aeneid, one of the main motif in the book is the act of vengeance. The play has different examples of acts of vengeance like Dido cursing out Aeneas before she commits suicide. Since vengeance is a motif in the book that is clearly presented at the end of the book when Turnus is begging for his life to be spared by Aeneas. At this point Aeneas was going to spare Turnus’ life but recognizes a sword belt that belonged to Pallas. Though Anchises request that Aeneas “to spare the defeated, break the proud in war” (The Aeneid, 6.984) he went out of his way to kill Turnus in the act of vengeance for Evander and himself. In two different cases, Aeneas kills the people that are begging for their lives to be spared shortly after the reminder that Pallas had been slain. The love that Aeneas has for Pallas is so deep that anything that reminds him of Pallas’ death, it relinquishes all his desire to fulfill Anchises request to spare people’s lives.
In the middle of a battle, all the rules are out of the books and there can only be one side that can win the battle. Death is essential in a war. If Aeneas let every person go that had begged their life for mercy then he should have also spared Magus’ life “I beg of you now by your father’s ghost… spare this life of mine… Now how can a Trojan victory hinge on me? How can a single life make such a difference?” (The Aeneid, 10.619-626). Shortly after the death of Pallas it is shown that Aeneas went on a rampage killing every soul and even ones that were begging for their lives to be spared. Though Aeneas is terribly upset over the death of Pallas he shows that he can still reason with the people that are begging for their lives. “All those bars of silver and gold you brag of, save them for your sons! Such bargaining in battle, Turnus already cut it short when he cut Pallas down! So the ghost of my father, so my son declares” ( The Aeneid, 10:627-631). Shortly after telling Magus that his material he possess is worthless, he strikes him down and moves on with his rampage. Aeneas is so terribly upset that he changes the tides of the war constantly throughout the chapter. In his quest to find Turnus in the battlefield the gods had to intervene to stop the rampage that was set upon Aeneas. His love for Pallas so great that Aeneas did not care about what people begged of him, he was in the middle of a war and there are no exceptions to letting the enemy live. It was more cowardly on Magus’ behalf to beg for mercy on his life.
The death of Turnus is justified even though he lay there begging for his life to be spared by Aeneas. The suppressed rage before Aeneas kills Turnus was at the perfect time. “Aeneas, ferocious in armor, stood there, still, shifting his gaze, and held his sword-arm back, holding himself back too as Turnus’ words began to sway him more and more…” (The Aeneid, 12:1094-1097). At this point in time Aeneas was ready to spare his adversaries life but shortly after warming up and rationalizing with himself to spare Turnus’ life, he notices the sword-belt that is attached to his shoulder. “… he caught sight of the fateful sword-belt of Pallas… soon as his eyes drank in that plunder-- keepsake of his own savage grief--flaring up in a fury, terrible in his rage, he cries” (The Aeneid, 12:1097-1099) From there the story tells itself that Aeneas’ suppressed rage did break free but it has to do more with the passionate love that is represented by Venus than the irrational passion of Juno. It is not like he just exploded out of nowhere and decided to kill Turnus for the sake of killing. He chose to kill Turnus because he was reminded of Pallas; the man he loved dearly.
If Turnus was not pompous and left had Pallas’ body as it was, the result of Turnus begging for his life could have been drastically different. It was through his arrogance that left him dead because he took a piece of equipment that Aeneas recognized to be a possession of Pallas. “With that, he stampe
Hrm... How does this rough draft of The Aeneid look?
I think you need to tighten up your thesis statement at the beginning and give one more example of vengeance to go with Dido, preferably one either milder or more extreme. Something like: Vengeance is one of the main motifs of The Aeneid, from Dido's dying curse to ____________. The climax of this theme occurs at the end when Turnus is begging for his life to be spared by Aeneas.
The ending was cut off but the rest seems soundly reasoned.
Throughout the The Aeneid, one of the main motif in the book is the act of vengeance. The play has different examples of acts of vengeance like Dido cursing out Aeneas before she commits suicide. Since vengeance is a motif in the book that is clearly presented at the end of the book when Turnus is begging for his life to be spared by Aeneas. At this point Aeneas was going to spare Turnus’ life but recognizes a sword belt that belonged to Pallas. Though Anchises request that Aeneas “to spare the defeated, break the proud in war” (The Aeneid, 6.984) he went out of his way to kill Turnus in the act of vengeance for Evander and himself. In two different cases, Aeneas kills the people that are begging for their lives to be spared shortly after the reminder that Pallas had been slain. The love that Aeneas has for Pallas is so deep that anything that reminds him of Pallas’ death, it relinquishes all his desire to fulfill Anchises request to spare people’s lives.
In the middle of a battle, all the rules are out of the books and there can only be one side that can win the battle. Death is essential in a war. If Aeneas let every person go that had begged their life for mercy then he should have also spared Magus’ life “I beg of you now by your father’s ghost… spare this life of mine… Now how can a Trojan victory hinge on me? How can a single life make such a difference?” (The Aeneid, 10.619-626). Shortly after the death of Pallas it is shown that Aeneas went on a rampage killing every soul and even ones that were begging for their lives to be spared. Though Aeneas is terribly upset over the death of Pallas he shows that he can still reason with the people that are begging for their lives. “All those bars of silver and gold you brag of, save them for your sons! Such bargaining in battle, Turnus already cut it short when he cut Pallas down! So the ghost of my father, so my son declares” ( The Aeneid, 10:627-631). Shortly after telling Magus that his material he possess is worthless, he strikes him down and moves on with his rampage. Aeneas is so terribly upset that he changes the tides of the war constantly throughout the chapter. In his quest to find Turnus in the battlefield the gods had to intervene to stop the rampage that was set upon Aeneas. His love for Pallas so great that Aeneas did not care about what people begged of him, he was in the middle of a war and there are no exceptions to letting the enemy live. It was more cowardly on Magus’ behalf to beg for mercy on his life.
The death of Turnus is justified even though he lay there begging for his life to be spared by Aeneas. The suppressed rage before Aeneas kills Turnus was at the perfect time. “Aeneas, ferocious in armor, stood there, still, shifting his gaze, and held his sword-arm back, holding himself back too as Turnus’ words began to sway him more and more…” (The Aeneid, 12:1094-1097). At this point in time Aeneas was ready to spare his adversaries life but shortly after warming up and rationalizing with himself to spare Turnus’ life, he notices the sword-belt that is attached to his shoulder. “… he caught sight of the fateful sword-belt of Pallas… soon as his eyes drank in that plunder-- keepsake of his own savage grief--flaring up in a fury, terrible in his rage, he cries” (The Aeneid, 12:1097-1099) From there the story tells itself that Aeneas’ suppressed rage did break free but it has to do more with the passionate love that is represented by Venus than the irrational passion of Juno. It is not like he just exploded out of nowhere and decided to kill Turnus for the sake of killing. He chose to kill Turnus because he was reminded of Pallas; the man he loved dearly.
If Turnus was not pompous and left had Pallas’ body as it was, the result of Turnus begging for his life could have been drastically different. It was through his arrogance that left him dead because he took a piece of equipment that Aeneas recognized to be a possession of Pallas. “With that, he stampe
Hrm... How does this rough draft of The Aeneid look?
I think you need to tighten up your thesis statement at the beginning and give one more example of vengeance to go with Dido, preferably one either milder or more extreme. Something like: Vengeance is one of the main motifs of The Aeneid, from Dido's dying curse to ____________. The climax of this theme occurs at the end when Turnus is begging for his life to be spared by Aeneas.
The ending was cut off but the rest seems soundly reasoned.
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